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Although living together is now acceptable, 60 per cent of cohabiting couples still get married after a few years. This article looks at why we still marry in the face of divorce statistics and how to make sure it’s the right choice for you.

“Marriage is a great institution, but I’m not ready for an institution yet” - Mae West

Good reasons to marry

Because you’re in love. Although love shouldn’t be the only reason to marry, it’s an important ingredient in the most successful relationships.

To make a commitment. You’ve decided that you want to be together forever, knowing each other’s faults and failings.

It’s part of your culture. The ceremony of marriage is an integral part of your cultural or religious beliefs and an essential part of your core value system.

To start a family. You’ve both enjoyed a secure and committed relationship for some time and feel marriage is the best environment in which to bring up children.

To celebrate. Because you want your family and friends to share with you in your happiness and commitment as a couple.

It’s the right time. You have a solid and secure relationship and it feels like the logical next step.

Bad reasons to marry

To make your relationship secure. If your relationship isn’t secure before you marry, there’s no reason to think it will be afterwards. It may be harder for you to separate after marriage, but that doesn’t mean you’ll be happy.

Fear of being alone. Some people marry because they’re scared that no one else will have them. Remember, it’s better to be left on the shelf than spend your whole life in the wrong cupboard.

For the children. It’s true that, on the whole, children benefit from living with two parents, but marrying purely for your child is unlikely to create a happy home environment.

You want a big wedding. The big white wedding may seem like a fairy tale come true, but it only lasts a day. Marriage is (supposed to be) for life.

To recover from divorce. Some people want a second marriage to help them to get over the first - to prove that they’re OK. But those feelings must come from within.

You may have many more reasons why you want to marry. The most important thing is that you and your partner have fully discussed your reasons and that you’re both confident you share the same motivation and intentions.

Fears and expectations

As well as looking at your reasons for getting married it’s important to look at what you expect from married life. Some people blame current divorce rates on the fact that people expect too much from marriage, but this isn’t necessarily the case.

As long as you both share the same expectations, you can work together to achieve them. But if you both expect different things, one of you will always be disappointed.

Your expectations and fears may be influenced by many things, including experiences of friends, previous relationships and media images. But one of the most powerful influences will be your family.

As small children we learn about relationships by watching our parents. These messages often sink deep into our unconscious mind, waiting to pop up when we become wives or husbands ourselves.

It’s perfectly natural to have doubts and fears about getting married - it’s one of the biggest decisions we make in our lives. But as long as you and your partner can openly share your feelings, support and reassure each other, chances are you’re on the right track.

Most people list being faithful as one of the top three essentials in a successful relationship. But the fact is, people cheat. This article looks at why people have affairs and whether it’s possible for a relationship to survive one.

Why affairs happen

There are as many reasons why people have affairs as there are people. But usually an affair is an external sign of an internal desire for change. Something in the person’s life or the relationship isn’t OK - and the affair creates the trigger for change.

Affairs aren’t only about sex. In fact, relationship experts maintain that any intimate activity between two people that breaches the trust of a partner constitutes an affair.

Is your relationship at risk?

Here are some common causes of affairs

Relationship problems - if you’re unhappy in your relationship you’ll be more tempted to look elsewhere.

Boredom - if you’re bored with your life, an affair may seem like an adventure.

Low self-esteem - you may need reassurance that you’re attractive and loveable.

Types of affairs

Although there are many reasons for affairs, most fall into one of four categories:

The boat-rocking affair - when one partner has an underlying dissatisfaction with the relationship. The affair is an unconscious way of drawing attention to the problem and bringing things into the open.

The exit affair - when an affair is used to get out of a relationship. Rather than confront the fact that a relationship isn’t working, an affair forces the issue.

The thrill affair - the illicit nature of an affair brings with it an adrenaline rush. Add to that the excitement of sex with someone new and the romantic trimmings of a fresh relationship, and it can seem irresistible.

The three’s company affair - can go on for years; it can also describe a string of successive affairs. Some people find it difficult to commit to one person; they feel stifled by monogamy and fear putting all their emotional eggs in one basket. Having a third person on the scene can provide an outlet for difficult emotions.

Tips to help avoid affairs

Be open - honesty is the key to avoiding affairs. Share any temptations with your partner and agree to support each other.

Be close - build and maintain emotional and sexual intimacy in your relationship. The closer you are, the stronger you are.

Be smart - don’t slip into complacency: everyone is vulnerable to temptation.

Be alert - if you find yourself feeling attracted to someone, take action to avoid getting any closer.

Behave - if you’d describe yourself as a natural flirt, remember: if you don’t want to get burned, don’t play with fire.

When affairs are discovered

Whether the discovery of an affair is gradual or sudden, shock is the first emotion you’re likely to experience.

When the shock wears off, you may be left with feelings of anger, sadness, confusion and perhaps embarrassment, especially if you were the one being unfaithful.

Most people find themselves wondering how this could have happened and questioning whether there can be any future for their relationship.

Surviving the affair

Trust is essential for a healthy relationship, and it’s something we often take for granted until it’s gone. If you’re the one that’s had the affair, you’ll need to work hard at reassuring your partner that it’s them you truly love and that you’ve learnt from your mistake.

If you’re the one who’s been cheated, you may find yourself asking questions for a long time. But as time passes, you’ll find yourself feeling more secure and confident about your relationship.

Trust only takes a moment to break, but much, much longer to rebuild. At first it may feel that your relationship will never recover, but with hard work and patience it can survive. An affair always signals a turning point in a relationship - but it doesn’t have to signal the end.